Being pregnant made me nervous. I had a miscarriage years ago, but that memory is haunting, it hurt me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The pregnancy was complicated. At 16 weeks my placenta had ruptured and that prevented me from exercising and doing housework. Because of this, I struggled to pick up weight and the baby also struggled. But my ex-husband supported me.<\/p>\n
At 35 weeks pregnant, I started leaking fluids and that meant the baby couldn\u2019t move as freely. I was booked in for a C-section at 36 weeks.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Through all this he was terrific, helping where he could, making me comfortable and I, in return, supported him in becoming what he wanted. A pseudo-bodybuilder.\u00a0 He spent more and more time at the gym as the days went by. He said the gym was his happy place.<\/p>\n
Our baby boy was born healthy. I had no complications and life was perfect. Well, at that moment it was.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I picked up 15 kg in 5 months while on maternity leave, he was in great shape, he worked out every night for about 2 hours, and my weight started to bother him.<\/p>\n
This man used to say I should lose weight because I am not pregnant anymore, rightfully so, but I struggled, my body was not the same anymore, my hormones changed. Every week he would put me on a different eating plan, but still, my weight loss was slow. And his criticism was constant.<\/p>\n
I eventually told him that I don\u2019t need his help. I was tired of having to answer questions like:<\/p>\n
What did you eat today?<\/p>\n
Why are you not having a salad?<\/p>\n
Do you know how much sugar is in that?<\/p>\n
I had to send pictures of my lunch to him every day or on request. I wanted to lose weight for me. I genuinely \u00a0thought that he was trying to help me, but he made me feel that because of the extra weight, I wasn\u2019t good enough for him.<\/p>\n
I deal with little things, or so I thought for the next three years, besides the fact he is unhappy with my weight, he is also showing he is unhappy with the way I dress.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He becomes obsessed with his weight, what he ate, how he worked out, and eventually this management spilled into our home.<\/p>\n
He watched what everyone ate, and criticized them too. I was too scared to eat anything that he bought because if I did, he would get upset over food, and I would have to apologize for eating it.<\/p>\n
This man would put an open packet of crisps in a bag, and make a knot in a way that he could tell if I opened it.<\/p>\n
We ate out when he said so and at places he suggested, he would ask where I feel like eating at, I would recommend something, but we always ended up where he wanted us to go.<\/p>\n
I was anxious most of the time, I dreaded the lunch conversations, at home I had to walk on eggshells and hope that he hasn\u2019t noticed if I moved something, or ate something, everything was my fault.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
We got caught in a hail storm once, and it was my fault because I wanted to go, I inconvenienced him because now the car has to go in for repairs.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
His behavior was 100 times worse when he was on steroids, short-tempered, moody, aggressive, and rude. All I could do was apologize, for upsetting him, for moving stuff around in the house, for eating his food, for not trying harder to lose weight, most times I would withdraw, he silenced me, this man took away my voice.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I am not sure at what point I stopped loving him, but I knew I didn\u2019t like him anymore, I knew I wouldn\u2019t be happy with him anymore, but I had to think of my child.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Although I knew this, that I did not love him, that I had to leave, I stayed for another three years.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Being pregnant made me nervous. I had a miscarriage years ago, but …. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[46,58,43,47,44],"class_list":["post-1192","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapters","tag-child","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-relationship","tag-struggle","tag-truth"],"gutentor_comment":0,"yoast_head":"\n