{"id":1281,"date":"2020-04-02T19:35:43","date_gmt":"2020-04-02T17:35:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/still-i-rise.co.za\/?p=1281"},"modified":"2020-04-02T19:35:43","modified_gmt":"2020-04-02T17:35:43","slug":"chapter-19-closure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/still-i-rise.co.za\/?p=1281","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 19 \u2013\u00a0Closure"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wanted to confront him before leaving for Cape Town on 18th December 2018.<\/span>
\nI asked him if I could come over to discuss something with him on the 17th, he replied \u201cNO, I am busy send me a text.<\/span>\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
\nI didn\u2019t want to do this via text, but OK he is unwilling to sit down with me, so I sent him a text with a picture of me and her.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAs<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0write<\/span>\u00a0this\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0cannot\u00a0control<\/span>\u00a0my\u00a0tears<\/span>, both\u00a0tears<\/span>\u00a0of\u00a0joy<\/span>\u00a0and immense sadness.<\/span><\/em><\/strong>
\nThe hardest and yet the\u00a0<\/span>bravest<\/span>\u00a0thing\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>did<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>was<\/span>\u00a0face the\u00a0<\/span>woman<\/span>\u00a0that\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>believed<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>took<\/span>\u00a0everything from\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/strong>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>believed<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>made<\/span>\u00a0you hurt\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>hate<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>, disrespect\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>, and\u00a0<\/span>abuse<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>.<\/span><\/span> I hated her for the longest time with my whole being, I wished her dead every second of every day for 2 years.<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

And as I was sitting across the table from her my heart beating out of my chest, I saw a stranger but she looked so familiar, she was me 2 years ago, hurt, desperately looking for answers to all the why’s and your lies.<\/span><\/em><\/strong>
\nWe<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>shared<\/span>\u00a0our\u00a0<\/span>stories<\/span>\u00a0and oh how different\u00a0<\/span>it<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>was<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>my<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>heart<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>breaking<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>each\u00a0<\/span>time<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>shared<\/span>\u00a0something\u00a0<\/span>about<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>you<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>each\u00a0<\/span>time<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>told<\/span>\u00a0me\u00a0<\/span>about<\/span>\u00a0a “<\/span>trip<\/span>”\u00a0<\/span>you<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>took<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>her<\/span>\u00a0apologising profusely\u00a0<\/span>every<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>time<\/span>\u00a0for\u00a0<\/span>dragging<\/span>\u00a0up everything,\u00a0<\/span>seeking\u00a0<\/span>forgiveness<\/span>, but\u00a0<\/span>we<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>both<\/span>\u00a0knew\u00a0<\/span>it<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>had<\/span>\u00a0to be\u00a0<\/span>done<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0We<\/span>\u00a0both<\/span>\u00a0had to\u00a0be<\/span>, honest and raw if\u00a0we<\/span>\u00a0wanted<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0heal<\/span>\u00a0from this.<\/span>\u00a0Both<\/span>\u00a0stories<\/span>\u00a0contained\u00a0so<\/span>\u00a0so<\/span>\u00a0many\u00a0lies<\/span>,\u00a0lies<\/span>\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0told<\/span>\u00a0about<\/span>\u00a0us.<\/span>\u00a0The most hurtful part is\u00a0<\/span>realizing<\/span>\u00a0that for 2\u00a0<\/span>years<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0was actually left alone to\u00a0<\/span>care<\/span>\u00a0for<\/span>\u00a0our\u00a0<\/span>son<\/span>, while you spent money on\u00a0<\/span>trips<\/span>\u00a0to sun city,\u00a0<\/span>hotels<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>lavish\u00a0gifts, and\u00a0<\/span>buying<\/span>\u00a0me\u00a0<\/span>things<\/span>\u00a0because\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>was<\/span>\u00a0the afterthought.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0Yes<\/span>, she\u00a0told<\/span>\u00a0me about my birthday gift.<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0know<\/span>\u00a0everything.<\/span><\/em><\/strong>
\nYou<\/span>\u00a0spread so many lies about me, as a\u00a0person<\/span>, a\u00a0mother<\/span>, my\u00a0character<\/span>, and as a\u00a0human<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0You<\/span>\u00a0have humiliated and\u00a0manipulated<\/span>\u00a0us both.<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

My\u00a0wish<\/span>\u00a0for\u00a0you<\/span>?<\/span>\u00a0Absolutely nothing.<\/span><\/em><\/strong>
\n“Forgiveness<\/span>\u00a0is not\u00a0about<\/span>\u00a0the other person but\u00a0about<\/span>\u00a0yourself”\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0understand now\u00a0how<\/span>\u00a0deep that\u00a0statement<\/span>\u00a0is<\/span>,\u00a0how<\/span>\u00a0powerful and profound forgiving someone can\u00a0be<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0How weird is it that I end up at this crossroad, holding someone’s hand that I have despised for so long, her wanting forgiveness from me.<\/span><\/em><\/strong>
\nI<\/span>\u00a0will NEVER\u00a0forgive<\/span>\u00a0you<\/span>.<\/span><\/em><\/strong>
\nI<\/span>\u2019m\u00a0trying<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0<\/span>convince myself you must have had at\u00a0least some\u00a0good<\/span>\u00a0intention, that maybe deep down\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0did\u00a0love<\/span>\u00a0me<\/span>\u00a0or\u00a0respect<\/span>\u00a0me<\/span>…<\/span>but\u00a0I<\/span>‘m\u00a0realizing<\/span>\u00a0there is no good in\u00a0you<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0You<\/span>\u00a0are<\/span>\u00a0a pathological liar and cheat.<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0hope<\/span>\u00a0you<\/span>\u00a0can be\u00a0better<\/span>\u00a0for our\u00a0son<\/span>.<\/span><\/em><\/strong>
\nI am not writing this to get an explanation from you.<\/span>\u00a0I don\u2019t want one – I am free from the abuse, lies and you, and I needed you to know.<\/span>\u201d<\/span><\/em><\/strong>
\n<\/span>
\nHe<\/span>\u00a0asked<\/span>\u00a0if\u00a0he<\/span>\u00a0could<\/span>\u00a0see<\/span>\u00a0me<\/span>\u00a0before\u00a0leaving<\/span>\u00a0for Cape Town.<\/span>
\nHe was crying.<\/span>\u00a0I wasn\u2019t sure if it was out of remorse, or because he was finally caught out, he cannot lie anymore, he cannot cover lies with lies anymore.<\/span>
\nHe<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>started<\/span>\u00a0by saying how much\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>hated<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>her<\/span>, for\u00a0<\/span>telling<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>\u00a0everything,\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>hated<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>her<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>because<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0reopened all my\u00a0<\/span>wounds<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>ones<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>tried<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0<\/span>protect<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>\u00a0from, as to not hurt\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>\u00a0further.<\/span><\/span>
\nI didn\u2019t believe him.<\/span>\u00a0He hated her because she told me the truth, she succeeded in hurting him, his character, he won\u2019t be able to get out of this.<\/span>\u00a0He tried to give me an explanation or to justify it, but he knew he couldn\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wanted to confront him before leaving for Cape Town on 18th …. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[42,59,79,49,47,50,44],"class_list":["post-1281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapters","tag-abuse","tag-lies","tag-moving-on","tag-strong","tag-struggle","tag-survive","tag-truth"],"gutentor_comment":0,"yoast_head":"\nChapter 19 \u2013\u00a0Closure - Still I Rise<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/still-i-rise.co.za\/?p=1281\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Chapter 19 \u2013\u00a0Closure - 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