{"id":1288,"date":"2020-04-28T23:09:29","date_gmt":"2020-04-28T21:09:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/still-i-rise.co.za\/?p=1288"},"modified":"2020-04-28T23:09:29","modified_gmt":"2020-04-28T21:09:29","slug":"chapter-20-the-truth-whose-truth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/still-i-rise.co.za\/?p=1288","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 20 \u2013 The Truth (whose truth)"},"content":{"rendered":"

They\u00a0met<\/span>\u00a0at\u00a0work<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0She\u00a0was<\/span>\u00a020\u00a0years<\/span>\u00a0his\u00a0junior<\/span>\u00a0and\u00a0reporting<\/span>\u00a0to him.<\/span>\u00a0He<\/span>\u00a0was fascinated with her, her\u00a0youth<\/span>, they had\u00a0so<\/span>\u00a0much<\/span>\u00a0in\u00a0common<\/span>. <\/span>\u00a0They\u00a0started<\/span>\u00a0spending<\/span> all their free time together.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>She claimed she<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>never<\/span>\u00a0knew\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0was\u00a0<\/span>married<\/span>, and <\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>never<\/span> asked.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When they became more\u00a0<\/span>involved<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>told<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>her<\/span>\u00a0about us\u00a0<\/span>(my\u00a0son<\/span>\u00a0and me)<\/span>\u00a0, but\u00a0<\/span>told<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>her<\/span>\u00a0we are only together because of our\u00a0<\/span>son<\/span>, we\u00a0<\/span>share<\/span>\u00a0absolutely nothing, but I\u00a0<\/span>refuse<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0<\/span>give<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>him<\/span>\u00a0a\u00a0<\/span>divorce<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

She<\/span>\u00a0fell in love<\/span>\u00a0with\u00a0him<\/span>\u00a0and\u00a0believed<\/span>\u00a0him<\/span>.<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

They went everywhere together, everyone at\u00a0work<\/span>\u00a0knew<\/span>\u00a0he<\/span>\u00a0was having an affair,\u00a0she<\/span>\u00a0spent time in my\u00a0home<\/span>\u00a0whenever\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0was away.<\/span>\u00a0She<\/span>\u00a0used<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0go<\/span>\u00a0through<\/span>\u00a0my\u00a0things<\/span>\u00a0\u2013\u00a0Leave<\/span>\u00a0her underwear in my\u00a0drawers<\/span>, under my\u00a0bed<\/span>,\u00a0hoping<\/span>\u00a0I would\u00a0find<\/span>\u00a0it and\u00a0divorce<\/span>\u00a0him.<\/span>\u00a0I never did, because my helper kept it from me and\u00a0threw it away \u2013<\/span>\u00a0she<\/span>\u00a0didn\u2019t\u00a0want<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0hurt<\/span>\u00a0me<\/span>, and\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0understood<\/span>\u00a0when\u00a0she<\/span>\u00a0eventually<\/span>\u00a0told<\/span>\u00a0me<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

He<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>knew<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0was\u00a0<\/span>checking<\/span>\u00a0his\u00a0<\/span>statements<\/span>, and\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0got clever<\/span>.<\/span>He would either buy her stuff with cash or buy both of us gifts and the cost would be similar.<\/span>\u00a0He\u00a0bought<\/span>\u00a0her a\u00a0pair<\/span>\u00a0of earrings in January\u00a0\u2013 He also bought me a\u00a0pair<\/span>\u00a0for my\u00a0birthday<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>According<\/span>\u00a0to her, my\u00a0<\/span>gift<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>was<\/span>\u00a0an afterthought, because he\u00a0<\/span>knew<\/span>\u00a0that I would\u00a0<\/span>find<\/span>\u00a0her\u00a0<\/span>pair<\/span>\u00a0on his credit card statement<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>needless to\u00a0<\/span>say<\/span>\u00a0I\u00a0<\/span>returned<\/span>\u00a0the\u00a0<\/span>gift<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0He\u00a0<\/span>moved<\/span>\u00a0her into a\u00a0<\/span>place<\/span>\u00a0up\u00a0<\/span>road<\/span>\u00a0from him, he\u00a0<\/span>said<\/span>\u00a0she can\u2019t move in with him yet, because I am still struggling<\/em> with the\u00a0<\/span>divorce<\/span>, and he\u00a0<\/span>needs<\/span>\u00a0to be there for me,\u00a0<\/span>you\u00a0<\/span>know<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0<\/span>help<\/span>\u00a0me through this.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0WTF<\/span>, I have been\u00a0dating<\/span>\u00a0\u2013<\/strong><\/em><\/span>\u00a0I have moved on.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Let<\/span>\u2019s\u00a0talk<\/span>\u00a0about the birthday burgers \u2013<\/span>\u00a0They decided to take the day off and spend it in my bed.\u00a0<\/span>The\u00a0food<\/span>\u00a0was<\/span>\u00a0their\u00a0lunch<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0Only the delivery guy,\u00a0pressed<\/span>\u00a0the wrong button at the\u00a0gate<\/span>, and I\u00a0got<\/span>\u00a0the\u00a0call<\/span>.<\/span>
\nHe panicked and\u00a0<\/span>told<\/span>\u00a0her what\u00a0<\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>needs<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0<\/span>say<\/span>\u00a0and do\u00a0<\/span>\u2013 Because he does not want to get into trouble with me, she\u00a0needs<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0<\/span>lie<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0He\u00a0spent<\/span>\u00a0most<\/span>\u00a0of our\u00a0savings<\/span>\u00a0on his\u00a0affair<\/span>\u00a0\u2013<\/span>\u00a0it\u00a0<\/span>paid<\/span>\u00a0for\u00a0<\/span>holidays<\/span>\u00a0in cape town, sun city,\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/span>weekends<\/span>\u00a0in\u00a0<\/span>hotels<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>expensive<\/span>\u00a0gifts, engraved promise rings and the\u00a0<\/span>list<\/span>\u00a0goes on.<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

She<\/span>\u00a0knew<\/span>\u00a0about the\u00a0abuse<\/span>\u00a0that\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0suffered<\/span>\u00a0\u2013<\/span>\u00a0But\u00a0she<\/span>\u00a0felt<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0deserved<\/span>\u00a0it, why couldn\u2019t\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0just<\/span>\u00a0leave<\/span>\u00a0him<\/span>? <\/span>Why couldn’t\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0just<\/span>\u00a0let<\/span>\u00a0him<\/span>\u00a0be happy?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>Instead<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>forced<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>him<\/span> to have an affair<\/span>, YOU MADE HIM DO IT<\/em><\/strong>, she said.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

My\u00a0husband<\/span>, the\u00a0person<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0spent<\/span>\u00a017\u00a0years<\/span>\u00a0with,\u00a0convinced<\/span>\u00a0his\u00a0mistress<\/span> that I deserved<\/span>\u00a0every\u00a0beating<\/span>\u00a0because how\u00a0dare<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0question<\/span>\u00a0his\u00a0affair<\/span>.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

At one stage of their \u201crelationship\u201d<\/strong><\/em>, she suffered the same\u00a0<\/span>abuse<\/span>, she described to me, how we would climb on top of her, pin her arms down and choke her, she\u00a0<\/span>said<\/span>\u00a0that it might not have been as intense as mine, but\u00a0<\/span>abuse<\/span>\u00a0is\u00a0<\/span>abuse<\/span>, and yet she still\u00a0believed\u00a0<\/span>him<\/span>\u00a0when he\u00a0<\/span>said<\/span>, he will marry her, as soon as I am \u201cover\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/span>him<\/span>\u00a0\u2013<\/span><\/span>\u00a0WTF<\/span>\u00a0dude!<\/span><\/p>\n

Let<\/span>‘s\u00a0talk<\/span>\u00a0about the mysterious\u00a0Mark<\/span>\u00a0Quinn.<\/strong><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/strong>
\nHe<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>told<\/span>\u00a0her how I was\u00a0<\/span>struggling<\/span>\u00a0with the\u00a0<\/span>divorce<\/span>, and\u00a0<\/span>Mark<\/span>\u00a0Quinn was\u00a0<\/span>created<\/span>\u00a0to \u201c<\/strong><\/em><\/span>help<\/span><\/strong><\/em>\u201d<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>transition<\/span>, they\u00a0<\/span>decided<\/span>\u00a0it\u2019<\/span>s<\/span>\u00a0a\u00a0<\/span>good<\/span>\u00a0idea to\u00a0<\/span>use<\/span>\u00a0my\u00a0<\/span>dead<\/span>\u00a0child as a\u00a0<\/span>way<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0<\/span>help<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>\u00a0emotionally open up to\u00a0<\/span>Mark<\/span>\u00a0and that\u00a0<\/span>way<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0can\u00a0<\/span>convince<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>\u00a0to \u201clet\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/span>go<\/span>.<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/span>\u201d\u00a0 (yeah I struggle to understand this one)
\n<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

For 2\u00a0years<\/span>\u00a0he<\/span>\u00a0lived<\/span>\u00a0two\u00a0lives<\/span>:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

With her: <\/span>A secret life, where he made me out to be this horrible person, that he cannot stand to be around, she gave him that escape, to make his life happy again, because you know, he deserves to be happy, after being trapped in a \u201cloveless\u201d marriage.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>But<\/span>\u00a0when\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>did<\/span>\u00a0the same to her,\u00a0<\/span>he<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>didn\u2019t think that\u00a0<\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0would\u00a0<\/span>want<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0<\/span>end<\/span>\u00a0her\u00a0<\/span>life<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>but<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>did<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>she<\/span>\u00a0tried to and\u00a0<\/span>ended up<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>is<\/span>\u00a0a Psychiatric Hospital.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

With us:<\/span>\u00a0Where\u00a0he<\/span>\u00a0pleaded<\/span>, cried and\u00a0begged<\/span>\u00a0every\u00a0opportunity<\/span>\u00a0he<\/span>\u00a0got<\/span>\u00a0for\u00a0me<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0forgive<\/span>\u00a0him for the \u201cmistake<\/span>\u201d<\/em>\u00a0he<\/span>\u00a0made<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0Made<\/span>\u00a0me<\/span>\u00a0so paranoid,\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0thought<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0was\u00a0crazy<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>He<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>told<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>\u00a0how crazy\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>am<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>belong<\/span>\u00a0in a\u00a0<\/span>mental institution<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>no<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>person<\/span>\u00a0would\u00a0<\/span>make up<\/span> stories so far fetched about his \u201c<\/strong><\/span>affair<\/span><\/strong>\u201d<\/strong> –\u00a0<\/span>no one<\/span>\u00a0will\u00a0<\/span>believe me<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>He<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>said<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0And for the\u00a0longest<\/span>\u00a0time\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0believed<\/span>\u00a0him, until one\u00a0day<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0didn’t.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

He<\/span>\u00a0never thought that\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0would\u00a0<\/span>leave<\/span>\u00a0him<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0did<\/span>.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

He\u00a0never thought that\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0would\u00a0<\/span>divorce<\/span>\u00a0him<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0did<\/span>.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

He never thought\u00a0I<\/span> would move on.\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0did<\/span>.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

He\u00a0never thought that\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>would<\/span> TAKE<\/span>\u00a0my\u00a0voice<\/span>\u00a0back, but\u00a0fuck<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0did<\/span>.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Everyone\u00a0asked<\/span>\u00a0me after they had\u00a0learnt<\/span>\u00a0the\u00a0truth<\/span>\u00a0\u2013<\/span>\u00a0why not take revenge?<\/span>\u00a0Because<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Revenge<\/span> <\/span><\/strong><\/em>is<\/span>\u00a0a\u00a0product<\/span>\u00a0of\u00a0hatred<\/span><\/strong><\/em>.<\/span>Wanting to get revenge on him would show and create the perception that I cared about him, and I didn\u2019t.<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0knew<\/span>\u00a0to some\u00a0extend<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0hated<\/span>\u00a0him<\/span>.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Hate<\/span> i<\/span><\/strong><\/em>s<\/span>\u00a0a\u00a0<\/span>very<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>powerful<\/span><\/strong><\/em>\u00a0word<\/strong><\/em>, it\u2019s even more\u00a0<\/span>powerful<\/span>\u00a0when you\u00a0<\/span>feel<\/span>\u00a0it,\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0have\u00a0<\/span>hated<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>him<\/span>\u00a0for the\u00a0<\/span>longest<\/span>\u00a0time,\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0have wanted so many answers.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0spent<\/span>\u00a0so much\u00a0energy<\/span>\u00a0just<\/span>\u00a0hating<\/span>\u00a0him<\/span>, but why?<\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

Trauma<\/span>\u00a0is<\/span>\u00a0a\u00a0difficult<\/span>\u00a0thing<\/span>\u00a0to overcome<\/strong><\/em>, but when\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0did<\/span>,\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0learned<\/span>\u00a0the\u00a0power<\/span>\u00a0of Indifference.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Indifference<\/span>\u00a0\u2013<\/span><\/strong><\/em>\u00a0The most\u00a0powerful<\/span>\u00a0thing<\/span>\u00a0I<\/span>\u00a0could have\u00a0done<\/span>\u00a0for myself<\/strong><\/em>, was being indifferent towards the\u00a0things<\/span>\u00a0outside of my\u00a0control<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0It\u2019s not that\u00a0<\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0didn\u2019t care in an emotional sense<\/span>. <\/span>It\u2019s that I was much more in control of my behavior in the face of those emotions.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He can’t\u00a0control<\/span>\u00a0me anymore.<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I AM FREE.<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

They\u00a0met\u00a0at\u00a0work.\u00a0She\u00a0was\u00a020\u00a0years\u00a0his\u00a0junior\u00a0and\u00a0reporting\u00a0to him.\u00a0He\u00a0was fascinated with her, her\u00a0youth, they had\u00a0so\u00a0much\u00a0in\u00a0common. \u00a0They\u00a0started\u00a0spending all their free …. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapters"],"gutentor_comment":0,"yoast_head":"\nChapter 20 \u2013 The Truth (whose truth) - Still I Rise<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/still-i-rise.co.za\/?p=1288\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Chapter 20 \u2013 The Truth (whose truth) - Still I Rise\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"They\u00a0met\u00a0at\u00a0work.\u00a0She\u00a0was\u00a020\u00a0years\u00a0his\u00a0junior\u00a0and\u00a0reporting\u00a0to him.\u00a0He\u00a0was fascinated with her, her\u00a0youth, they had\u00a0so\u00a0much\u00a0in\u00a0common. \u00a0They\u00a0started\u00a0spending all their free ....\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/still-i-rise.co.za\/?p=1288\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Still I Rise\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-04-28T21:09:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Tracey Isaacs\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Tracey Isaacs\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/still-i-rise.co.za\\\/?p=1288#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/still-i-rise.co.za\\\/?p=1288\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Tracey Isaacs\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/still-i-rise.co.za\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3302c11eeab09e798ddc994419d0d21c\"},\"headline\":\"Chapter 20 \u2013 The Truth (whose truth)\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-04-28T21:09:29+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/still-i-rise.co.za\\\/?p=1288\"},\"wordCount\":980,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/still-i-rise.co.za\\\/#organization\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Chapters\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-ZA\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/still-i-rise.co.za\\\/?p=1288#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/still-i-rise.co.za\\\/?p=1288\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/still-i-rise.co.za\\\/?p=1288\",\"name\":\"Chapter 20 \u2013 The Truth (whose truth) - 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