Chapter 18 – Meeting HER

I told her I’ll meet her at JB’s Corner at Clearwater Mall at 6pm.

I wanted a public place, but I also needed a place where I could have a drink, not because I was nervous or anxious, but because I didn’t know what reaction would be when I saw her.

My mom advised me against it, she said there is no point. But I wanted to, I wanted to confront her for ME. I wanted her to know what I had to go through just because I asked questions, because she was too arrogant to give me the truth when I asked.

I wanted her to understand the violence and heartache a 4-year-old had to endure.

I got there first, she was running late, she needed to go to the pharmacy first. A few minutes later I see someone walking towards my table, I think, this must be her.  She looks familiar, because I have only seen her in pictures. But she looks older, paler, thinner, I can see she is nervous.

She stops at the table with her hand stretched out and introduces herself, I shake her hand and she sits down. She is trembling, she apologises, says she is very nervous and anxious, she had to get calming medication but it didn’t kick in yet. I am quiet.

And she started to tell me HER story, what happened between them over the last 2 years. How he made her feel, what he promised her, she talked about EVERYTHING, I wanted to know EVERYTHING.

I asked her specific questions, about  specific dates, and she answers them, says she wants to be transparent because I deserve to know the truth. As the night progresses, she is less nervous and I am more talkative.

I told her my experience over the last 2 years, the abuse in all forms – and its clear, she knew about it. She admitted that she felt I deserved it – and explained why she thought that, at that time. She answered every question, she confirmed dates, times and places I asked about.

We left the restaurant just before 11 pm, I thanked her for her honesty because I needed the truth for closure. She hugged me and said “I am really sorry for everything”

Did I feel different when I left that night? NO

Did it make a difference knowing the truth? Absolutely Yes.

Did I believe she was sincere in her apology? Absolutely not, she had a clear agenda, he was dating someone else.

He did exactly the same to her that he did to me. She was hurt and bitter, and she wanted to hurt him, what better way of hurting him than telling his ex the whole truth. I pitied her.

A lot of people including my previous psychologist said – knowing the truth will only make the pain worse, not knowing makes your reality easier to live with.

I used to agree with that statement, but after learning the truth, even after 2 years, reconfirmed that I was not crazy, and that was important to me. Everything he said I was paranoid about, was true, every lie he managed to get out of was true. Every beating I had to take was because I was right, about EVERYTHING.

I WAS NEVER CRAZY – and I needed to confront him!