Chapter 19 – Closure
I wanted to confront him before leaving for Cape Town on 18th December 2018.
I asked him if I could come over to discuss something with him on the 17th, he replied “NO, I am busy send me a text.”
I didn’t want to do this via text, but OK he is unwilling to sit down with me, so I sent him a text with a picture of me and her.
“As I write this I cannot control my tears, both tears of joy and immense sadness.
The hardest and yet the bravest thing I did was face the woman that I believed took everything from me, I believed she made you hurt me, hate me, disrespect me, and abuse me. I hated her for the longest time with my whole being, I wished her dead every second of every day for 2 years.
And as I was sitting across the table from her my heart beating out of my chest, I saw a stranger but she looked so familiar, she was me 2 years ago, hurt, desperately looking for answers to all the why’s and your lies.
We shared our stories and oh how different it was, my heart breaking each time she shared something about you, each time she told me about a “trip” you took, her apologising profusely every time for dragging up everything, seeking forgiveness, but we both knew it had to be done. We both had to be, honest and raw if we wanted to heal from this. Both stories contained so so many lies, lies you told about us. The most hurtful part is realizing that for 2 years I was actually left alone to care for our son, while you spent money on trips to sun city, hotels, lavish gifts, and buying me things because I was the afterthought. Yes, she told me about my birthday gift. I know everything.
You spread so many lies about me, as a person, a mother, my character, and as a human. You have humiliated and manipulated us both.
My wish for you? Absolutely nothing.
“Forgiveness is not about the other person but about yourself” I understand now how deep that statement is, how powerful and profound forgiving someone can be. How weird is it that I end up at this crossroad, holding someone’s hand that I have despised for so long, her wanting forgiveness from me.
I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m trying to convince myself you must have had at least some good intention, that maybe deep down you did love me or respect me…but I‘m realizing there is no good in you. You are a pathological liar and cheat. I hope you can be better for our son.
I am not writing this to get an explanation from you. I don’t want one – I am free from the abuse, lies and you, and I needed you to know.”
He asked if he could see me before leaving for Cape Town.
He was crying. I wasn’t sure if it was out of remorse, or because he was finally caught out, he cannot lie anymore, he cannot cover lies with lies anymore.
He started by saying how much he hated her, for telling me everything, he hated her because she reopened all my wounds, ones he tried to protect me from, as to not hurt me further.
I didn’t believe him. He hated her because she told me the truth, she succeeded in hurting him, his character, he won’t be able to get out of this. He tried to give me an explanation or to justify it, but he knew he couldn’t.