Chapter 1 – One Kiss was all it took..

I told people that he is not a bad guy, that he just made bad decisions, but is that the truth? Was I a bad person? Did I make bad decisions? I often questioned my logic, my love, and I know now that I was not wrong.
I met him in July 2002. We worked for one company, and I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. Yes, it’s a cliché, but it’s true. We had an instant connection, physically, emotionally, and sexually, but I was in a committed relationship and about to get married.

This new romance with him was so intense that I broke off the engagement to be with him, and in January it was official, we were a couple.

We did everything together, He was the most sociable person I knew, all my friends liked him (OK most of them did), but a few warned me about what they disliked. Needless to say, I dismissed this caution.

My family adored him, and he was part of us, something I never experienced with his people, but that’s another story.

Before the end of January, he asked me to marry him, and I said no. It seemed too quick, too sudden. In March we found out that that I am pregnant. We were not shocked or overjoyed. My studies were complete, I had a good job, and he was settled too. And I was 24. He was 28; it all seemed right.

At 12 weeks, I miscarried. It’s a terrible, unforgettable experience, and I was depressed. He was there with me though, all the way. See, he was not all bad.

After the miscarriage, our relationship was stronger, and we started talking about getting married. It felt good to be so positive, and he was caring, loving, everything I needed, and wanted from a man.

This perfection was about to change. We were at a braai with mutual friends, having a good time. It was late October, so the weather was awesome and so was the company. One of his friends arrived at the party and greeted everyone individually as a respectable person would. I was no exception, and he said hello with a kiss, a peck, you know, on the lips. Harmless.

What happened next was unreal. He confronted me about kissing this friend, and while I laughed it off, he became irritated. It became slightly uncomfortable, and one of my friends suggested that we go and sit in the car, out of sight.
A few minutes later, he came to the car and banged on the window, shouting, making a scene. The other guys came to restrain him, it was madness, I thought, it was just a kiss, from a friend, and I thought nothing of it.
Our friends started leaving. I mean, who the fuck puts up a scene because of a kiss? A greeting?.

I felt like I was to blame and declined offers from my friends to take me home. I said I would leave with him, sort it out when we got home.
The drive home though was uncomfortable, he shouted, cursed, and banged his fist against the dashboard. He could not believe what I HAD DONE, and his aggression was boiling over.
When we got to my mom’s house, I thought we could talk, work this out because I did not mean to upset him, but no, he ordered me to get out.
The next day he was apologetic, the kind man I had grown to love in this year, and in an instant, all was forgiven.
I would be careful not to kiss a friend hello again, or be too familiar with any male friend because of my respect for him, or was it fear? Either way, I was a changed woman. I changed for him, and it wasn’t a good change.
This was my first experience with abuse, ever, and I honestly thought it would not happen again, but it did countless times. So here I am able to tell a story of a decade’s worth emotional, psychological, and physical abuse. Yes, a decade.