Chapter 11 – A Birthday Delivery
He joins us in Cape Town for the remaining two weeks. He couldn’t come earlier, because, yes, you guessed it: work commitments. Nevertheless, the first part of this holiday was pleasant as we (my son, and I) spent time with family and friends. I did not miss him, not one bit. When he arrived, I think two days later we had a fight about something and all I could think of is “please don’t hit me.”, not because I was scared of him as I knew how to take the punches, but because we stayed at my sister’s place and I did not want them to know.
Yes, I was protecting my abuser and I dreaded the embarrassment and shame if my family knew what he was doing, if they knew about her, if they saw my bruises, what would they say? My mind was a mess with what they would think, and here in my sister’s home, I was expecting a beating.
My sister came into the room just as he was moving towards me, I’m sure she could sense the tension, my fear, confusion, and she asked if I was ok?
She stood there for a while and again asked if I was ok, I responded yes. As she walked away she demanded that I come to the kitchen for coffee. I nodded yes. Inside I was shaking, relieved to be saved from another punch, or choking session.
He didn’t join us for coffee and left in a hurry to visit his mother.
Later that evening we joined family for drinks at a trendy beach club in town. I intended to get drunk, to get very drunk and tell him I don’t want him. I knew now that my love was gone, and that my fear for another beating had reached its limit. No more of this, he was ready to do it at my sister’s house, what next?
I got drunk quickly and boldly told him it’s over, that I want a divorce. Remarkably, he did not say anything, he remained cool, enjoyed the company it seemed and just let me say what I needed to say.The next morning, I woke up with a hangover that felt like I looked – a mess. He stared at me as if he was pitying me and asked, ‘Do you know what you said last night?
Even though I still felt dizzy from the over consumption, I said I don’t remember, but then I said: Oh, we don’t fit. He left it at that. I was scared, I did not have that tequila-fuelled confidence, but I still felt disconnected, and I was determined to demand that divorce.
A week after we got home I put my thoughts on paper, everything I felt and thought, everything, including wanting a divorce. The pretence, the betrayal and the hurt, I was over it. I just wanted to finalise this chapter, end this terror.
He did not want to hear about a divorce or the letter, the rejection was strange as I could sense he did not feel for me either, except to hurt me.
It was a quiet time, no fighting no arguing, and then my birthday came around. Suddenly there were gifts, I mean for the past five years he bought me nothing, now a pair of white gold earrings, flowers, and a card?
He even asked me to join him for dinner that night. He made arrangements for our son to have a babysitter. All this before 10 am!
I wasn’t excited by all this, I was surprised. I thought let me just be nice, say thank you and do the dinner thing.
HOWEVER, I got a call from the security officer at our complex just after three. The officer says there is a delivery, a food delivery. I’m confused, I call him (my soon to be ex-husband) and ask why he would order food and ask me to join him for dinner? He says it must be a mistake.
When I arrived home, I checked the delivery, and it’s for his side-chick. Again, I’m baffled, was she coming over for dinner with him, or did she order it. What the hell was going on?
I called him and demanded answers, he says that he doesn’t know what’s going on. It must be a mistake. I’m thinking, a mistake with her name on it?
When he got home I pointed out the order on the counter-top, two burgers, chips. Not exactly my idea of fine dining.
He again pleads innocence and reckons she wants to cause an uproar between us as he told her he wants to make things right, but I find this so hard to believe.
The next thing he gets a message, he shows me, it’s from her and it says: please accept the supper I have sent to you guys, as an apology for what has happened.
This. I. Can’t. Take. No. more.