Chapter 5 – The Confrontation

He was chatting to no one. He denied he was chatting, but I could see he was mesmerized by his phone.
I asked to see this no one, and then he eventually admitted that he is ONLY flirting with someone and that it meant nothing. Again I asked to see his phone, he refused and said that I would interpret the messages much worse than what it was. He apologized, said he was stupid for even considering the idea of an affair.
I immediately said I don’t believe him and asked him for a divorce. Just like that, I asked for it, a divorce. He didn’t respond, he got dressed and left. I didn’t beg him to stay, I didn’t cry, and I wasn’t sad, I felt nothing, absolutely nothing.
Later that day he emailed the chats to himself (why I don’t know) and I found the emails and read everything. This is all I wanted, the truth.
They worked together, she reported to him, she was 20 years his junior, only 22. They started chatting since August 2016 and they spent all their free time at work together. He told her everything about me.
The picture he painted was that we are living separately. We have not been intimate since my son was born. Apparently, I made no time for him and my world revolved around my son. He told her I am controlling, a cold-hearted bitch that does not want to give him a divorce and that I am threatening to take his son away from him if he leaves.
I already had made arrangements to go to Cape Town on holiday with my son that December, he couldn’t join us because of work commitments, or so I thought. They made plans to be together that festive season and I quote: I can’t wait for them to leave.
He deleted the pictures and videos that they shared, but I found it, and it was far from just flirting. He never went to the work function. They planned to meet for drinks that night. Yes, I dressed him to fuck his mistress, how nauseating is that? The truth, a year later, infuriated me.
He sat me down and explained that nothing ever happened between them, yes they went out for drinks, but he just kissed her and realized that what he is doing is not right and he told her that it’s over and they are only going to interact with work-related things.
He cried, he begged, he promised so many things and said he never wanted to hurt me, he was stupid even to entertain something like that. I wanted a divorce and said he should move out. He asked me to give him time; he has nowhere to go.
As the days passed I realized the enormity of demanding a divorce, my mind was spinning, and my emotions were up and down.
He kept on checking up on me, asking if I was ok. So concerned. He sounded sorry, so remorseful, I mean he cried, a lot. And was I ready to get divorced just because of a mistake?
A mistake he admitted to, yes after confrontation, but he acknowledged it. What will my son think of me one day when he learns that I was so quick to give up? I owe it to him to at least try, right?
Divorce should be my last option. I felt I needed to decide before we leave for Cape Town, I wanted to cancel my plans, but I couldn’t let my sisters down, it was my youngest sister’s baby shower, how could I miss that?
I don’t think I ever thought of anything so intensely and so often but before I left I told him that I’ll give him one more try. I was ready to make this work and we decided to attend  marriage counselling just before we left for Cape Town.