Chapter 6 – Lost in lies

Our first counselling session was a few days before leaving for Cape Town. He was quiet during the first session, only responding to questions and so I spoke most of the time. I told her what I knew, the truth about his cheating.

The counsellor suggested that the two of us go away together, after the Cape Town trip that is. He was rather excited about this suggestion, saying he would find a place, that it was need and that he wanted us to make it right.

I desperately wanted to believe that everything was going to be okay, that what he said was true, but I also needed to know the absolute truth, I became obsessed with it.

My son and I left for Cape Town on 13th December 2016. He tells us how much he loves us and how much he will miss us. I believe him.

At home I tell my family nothing about this ordeal except my mom. I tell her what I know, he had an affair, but it’s a mistake and he wants to work things out, we want to work it out. She is not happy.

We spoke every day but he does not like me asking about his whereabouts and he actually made me feel like shit because I don’t trust him. I don’t trust him. How could I not believe him? He is trying everything to fix things, and this is how I repay him?

I apologize.

When we get back to Joburg he has a surprise for me, a gym bag, to show me how proud he is of me for maintaining my weight.

We arrange for my mom to fly home with me to look after our son and we head off to a resort outside of Pretoria for this prescribed week away.  Those seven days and six nights were highly uncomfortable, there was no fighting, just awkward silences.  This time was supposed to bring us closer together, get that spark back, but he looked at me in total disgust. He treated me like I forced him to work things out.

Every time I tried to talk to him about things, he would say, why we are talking about the same things over and over, he told me how I couldn’t let things go. Bringing up his mistake, hurt him.

Why do you keep on asking questions? Why can’t I accept he has made a mistake and move on?

I have asked myself this question millions of times, and I how do I just let it go because deep down I knew he lied, that he was still lying, that he lied. That week was a fail, Christmas time was strange, this holiday season could end.

Just as I was refreshed and ready for the New Year I get a message from his side bitch, because mistress sounds too spectacular and well, I don’t respect her.  She just wanted me to know that nothing happened between them and that he broke it off when I found out. She also wanted to appeal to me that her job means the world to her family and if this comes out at work then both of them will lose their jobs. Strangely, she says she is not sorry for what has happened???

I couldn’t let this infidelity slide, I analysed every word he said, I re-read every email, studied every picture, and I knew there was more.

I figured out how to retrieve deleted emails, photos, messages, videos, credit card statements, and his history of maps.

This newfound information told a different story.